My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
