If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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