I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
