My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
