dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
