Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize