im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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