The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
ttyl tear gas
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
