it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
