this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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