Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
