Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
