oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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