you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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