i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
