hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
