He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
