There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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