Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
