I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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