theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
only you would photoshop your dick
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
