I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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