normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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