@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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