i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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