last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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