mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
