I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
