They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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