Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
