I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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