thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
