Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
