if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
