the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
