How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
