I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
