i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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