ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
