his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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