as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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