This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
