The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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