Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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