The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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