He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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