did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
