3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize