I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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