I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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