I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
