I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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