You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
