I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
NoShamevember. You game?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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