shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
