put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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