Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
