At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
