It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
