Fuck appropriateness.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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