Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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