she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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