JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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