Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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