Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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