...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
