did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
