I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
