Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
