It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
