I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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