fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
