I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
