i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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