I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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