i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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