I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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