The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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