Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
