Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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