just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
