just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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