why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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