I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
