i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
