I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
