So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize