is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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