After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
