If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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