halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize