You really coming over, don't trick.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
