So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
