What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
