: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
