I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
