You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
