one two three fourrrrnication!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
