oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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