True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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