Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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