You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
