wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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