I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
