wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
