he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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