upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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